The title story from Craig Cliff 's forthcoming collection of short stories demonstrates the young author's drily surreal humour around a fluid subject

--------------------

IT BEGAN with a puddle His right hand had been resting on the mouse while he stared at The Register He had once calculated that this one Excel file was worth $25,000 At least that's how the sums worked out on a cost- accounting basis - hours spent plugging numbers into spreadsheet multiplied by hourly rate He had used other valuation methodologies, too Net Present Value Internal Rate of Return Technology Factor These calculations, outdated now, still lay buried in forgotten worksheets in The Register, like a bag of mixed veg at the back of his freezer

The screen flicked to black and the company logo, a smiling grapefruit, started to move across the screen He waved the mouse to banish the screensaver and noticed the puddle on his plastic mousepad, right where his hand had been resting. Cheap Handbags He checked his surroundings for the source - overfilled pot plants, leaking drink bottles - but there was nothing No stream leading to or from Just a puddle He felt his forehead, but wasn't sweating there The edge of his hand was moist, but that could have come from resting in the puddle He lifted his head to the ceiling It looked watertight

"What's the date today?" Fiona, the team's admin assistant, shouted from across the partition She asked this about ten times a day It was one of the many annoying things about the office he had become comfortable with

"It's the seventh," he said softly, dismissed the puddle and went back to plugging numbers into The Register

When he woke the next morning his sheets were damp He went through the same routine as in the office, looking everywhere for the source, but again found nothing Just damp sheets, which he pulled off the bed The mattress protector was damp also, so he pulled that off too, and threw everything into the washing machine

It took him longer than normal to dry himself after his shower He sniffed his heavy, sagging towel. Abercrombie & Fitch wholesale He had never really smelt his own scent before - the nose having the ability to eliminate the white noise of the familiar - but his towel shot images of his childhood into his head. (Balenciaga).

It's me, he thought

On the bus to work, a small but persistent trickle began to run down his pant leg People stared, thinking he'd peed his pants, as the colourless liquid ran down the aisle and towards the driver

When he arrived at the office, Fiona told him he looked terrible

"I'm melting," he said

"Maybe you should see a doctor" She patted him on the shoulder, which stuck slightly to his shirt, before bustling into the next cubicle to ask what the date was

At the doctor's, he removed his soaking shirt, his damp pants, his soggy socks, and stood there, dripping His doctor - a kindly Hitchcock lookalike with no s
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The winning design will appear on hessian bags sold to support the Orders of St John Care Trust's Wish Tree fund.

replica hublot watches The not-for-profit charitable trust provides long-term residential, dementia and nursing care, as well as intermediate and day care, in 73 care homes across Britain.

In Lincolnshire there are 16 care homes and the trust has recently set up the Wish Tree fund to help fulfil residents' wishes at these homes.

The closing date for the entries is March 26 and judges will reach their decision over the Easter holidays. Two judges are from the trust, one is from the school and another from the Echo.

Mark Raymond Drake, 44, appeared before Judge Dominic Flatley charged with possessing utensils capable of being used in the manufacture of methamphetamine, possessing methamphetamine for supply, possessing materials capable of being used in the manufacture of methamphetamine, and Replica Nike Terminator Shoes possessing precursor substances.

It was his third appearance in court since the dramatic police sting in Invercargill.

Through his lawyer Bill Dawkins, Drake entered no plea to the charges, before Judge Flatley remanded him in custody appear in the Invercargill District Court on May 3.

His co-accused, Mark Richard Love, 39, was scheduled to appear yesterday but was not called.

Life coaching is a method that has been recently introduced in the field of learning and development. And yet it has spread like wildfire. People who have undergone the experience attest to the breakthrough. But before you get the wrong impression . it is best to clarify some things first. Foremost tiffany rings. personal development gurus are not magicians. They cannot change people and they do not claim to. Life coaching is about drawing out the best in you. Instead of change Tiffany Jewellery Store. it is about transcendence.

1. Patience. Personal development is a process. It requires hard work and it takes time. As a person who has been feeding on a constant rush. this may not be something that you are not used to. Nevertheless(Tiffany Jewelry Outlet). you have to learn the virtue of patience. You have to wait for it to happen. And for things worth the time Tiffany heart tag toggle link necklace. you have to wait. Things cannot happen with the wave of a wand.

2. Will. The first step to personal development is recognizing the need to improve(Tiffany Charms). realizing that you can become a better person. You have to have the desire to make the transition. As much as the personal development gurus pour effort into guiding you . things will not work out if you are not ready.

3. One step at a time. In setting up goals. you have to take one step at a time. This will help you recognize and appreciate small victories and build new goals upon this success.There is no graduation from learning. Everyday is an opportunity to improve. You have to recognize that life in itself is a learning experience and to be happy. you have to embrace challenges as they come along.

There are a lot of strategies to making money on the Internet. but nothing makes sense unless you have a big list. Email Marketing is the most profitable way to make money on the Internet. When you build a list of hot and hungry prospects or leads tiffany sale tiffany silver jewelry on sale. you control your future. Discover how to use the Internet and turn your computer into a cash gushing machine. Sign-up right now for your FREE online newsletter to find out how to do exactly that - Go here: UltimateResultsMarketing.com

The testimony from the Rev. Neil Schori was the most potentially damaging yet during a pretrial hearing to determine what hearsay evidence a judge will allow jurors to hear when Peterson stands trial in the 2004 death of his third wife, Kathleen Savio, whose body was found in a dry bathtub in her home. Schori said Stacy Peterson told him her husband had coached her about what to tell police.

The hearing stems from a state law that allows a judge to admit hearsay evidence in first-degree murder cases if prosecutors can prove a defendant killed a witness to prevent him or her from testifying.

Drew Peterson, a former Bolingbrook police sergeant, has pleaded not guilty to first-degree murder. He has not been charged in Stacy Peterson's disappearance, but he is considered the only suspect.

Stacy Peterson spoke with Schori, a counseling minister at Westbrook Christian Church in Bolingbrook, before she went missing in 2007.

"She was scared of the control Drew had on her life," Schori said. "She was scared to be with him and scared to be away from him."

Schori said that Stacy Peterson told him that the night before Savio's body was found, she had fallen asleep with Drew Peterson, but woke up in the middle of the night to discover her husband was gone. She searched the house and called his cell phone without an answer, but didn't see her husband until later in the laundry room, Schori said.

Schori said Stacy Peterson told him her husband was dressed entirely in black and dumped the clothes was wearing, along with women's clothing from a bag he was carrying, into the washing machine. Schori said Stacy Peterson said the women's clothes weren't hers.

Schori said Stacy replica tag heruer watches Peterson asked him not to contact police. Schori testified that she told him: "You can't get away from the police when your husband is a police officer."

But Schori said he "immediately" tried to contact police after Stacy Peterson's disappearance.

The judge prevented Schori from talking about conversations Stacy Peterson had with her husband, among other things.

Scott Rossetto, a friend of Stacy Peterson, said that days before Stacy Peterson disappeared she told him she had contacted a divorce lawyer and was ready to leave her husband.

Then, he said, she asked if Rossetto could "keep a secret." She then told him that the night Savio died, Drew Peterson came in late at night and said "if anybody ever asks I was home," Rossetto said.

Prosecutors also presented a neurologist to combat defense attorneys' contention that Savio's death was an accident, that she simply fell. Dr. Gene Neri testified that he had diagnosed her with cervical vertigo, but he said "In 30 years of treating (patients) I haven't had a single person fall as a result of cervical vertigo."

In fact, he said that's because people with this particular kind of vertigo are extremely careful.

Bipin Thakkar, 45, a resident of Mangalam Society, Ghodasar, worked as a cashier-cum-manager at Sheth Mehta and Co near Anupam Cinema in Khokhra and used to regularly deposit the collections in the bank. On Monday, around 10.50 am he was headed for the State Bank of India's Khokhra branch on his scooty with the cash bag containing Rs 3.5 lakh when he gave a lift to a man in his 30s, eyewitnesses told police.

Two men then came on a bike and tried to corner him as the pillion rider tried to snatch the cash bag at gunpoint. When Thakkar resisted, he shot him through the neck from behind with a .12 mm bore gun, as the cashier slumped on his two-wheeler, dead. The three then ganged up and sped towards Hatkeshwar.

"Thakkar was headed towards Hatkeshwar when the incident took place near Gayatri Dairy," said DB Raulji, inspector of Amraiwadi police station.

"According to eyewitness, the incident took place at 500 m from the pump. The three men had wheatish complexion with thin and lanky frames. We have created traffic check posts and alerted check posts on the border to look out for a black Bajaj Pulsar bike," said Ajay Kumar Chaudhary, deputy commissioner of police, zone V, who visited the spot along with area inspector and assistant commissioner of police.

For Reprint Rights: timescontent.com

I just celebrated my second birthday. l love to play with my stuffed toys, enjoy chewing on ice cubes, jogging with my owner, sitting on the ottoman in front of the picture window, and lounging at the cottage. I even learned how to roll a stuffed squirrel down the stairs, chase after it, bring it back up and do it all over again. I love everyone, especially children.

-- Lana Harrison, Winnipeg

Wylie, 7 months, Springer spaniel

Wylie has an amazing amount of energy. During his very first snowfall he found Thomas sabo charms that he loved to run back and forth and roll in the snow, then bury his face in it. He's very affectionate and charms everybody he meets.

-- Gaylyn Holmstrom, Winnipeg

Marley, a few weeks old

Marley loves to read my birthday cards. My son Aaron, age 16, found this tiny kitten, abandoned in a box by Seddon's Corner in the sandpits just past Beausejour. Marley is our first pet ever -- cuteness will triumph over allergies every time. Aaron has learned responsibility and is a fabulous pet owner.

-- Anne Wolkenstein, Molson

China Unicom has subsidiaries in 31 provinces across China and serves 133 million GSM subscribers. It is the only Chinese telecom operator listed on the stock exchanges of New York, Hong Kong and Shanghai. China Unicom SK Telecom, a sister company of China Unicom, is responsible to handle all VAS contents including mobile news, premium ringtones, emoticons for short message service (SMS), replica breitling watches mobile games, WAP VAS, as well as applications on the Apple iPhone.

Through the collaboration, Artificial Life makes its first official mobile game launch in the Chinese market with five Java titles: Red Bull Air Race World Championship, the official mobile game for the international plane racing event; and four more branded titles targeting the teenage audience that are based on TV shows from Taiwan, Blackie's Teenage Club and Lollipop. Over the course of the next several months, Artificial Life will follow up this initial launch with many more mobile game titles for Clip on charms many devices including the iPhone.

"China has the largest mobile subscriber base in the world giving it great potential for mobile entertainment and other mobile applications, especially after the launch of the 3G network and iPhone in the country. Our close partnership with China Unicom will allow us to launch mobile games to customers within a very short time frame. Our wide selection of casual games enriched by popular brands is the key to our success. We are excited to enter the Chinese market with this initial launch and hope to thrill the country's gamers with our innovative and entertaining titles," said Eberhard Schoneburg, CEO links of london charms of Artificial Life.

((Comments on this story may be sent to ))

Six men and one woman were arrested during raids in Darlington, Newton Aycliffe and Barnard Castle.

Officers are investigating David Oliver Residential, a former estate agents in Darlington, and Dolphin Finance, ACM Mortgage Packages, Sell and Rent Back, and Simply Bridge, all of Newton Aycliffe.

The Northern Echo understands Craig David Purdie and Andrew Oliver Bellwood, partners of David Oliver Residential, were among those arrested.

Two men from Huddersfield links of london charms were also arrested. All nine suspects were released on police bail while inquiries continue.

Detective Sergeant Terry McCabe, of Durham Police's economic crime unit, said the arrests, on Friday, followed a 12-month investigation.

They are linked to an inquiry by Northumbria Police's economic crime unit into more than 2,000mortgage applications.

Last June, police raided the Gateshead offices of NorthEast Property Buyers and Newcastle Home Loans.

The firms bought homes from people struggling to pay their mortgages and allowed them to rent them back.

But they allegedly defaulted on repayments, leading to scores of repossession orders in the county courts.

Detectives believe hundreds of people across the country have fallen victim to the alleged scam.

Northumbria Police made five arrests on suspicion of money laundering and conspiracy to defraud last June.

Clip on charms At the time, Detective Chief Inspector Jim McAll, of Northumbria Police, said: "If proven, and if it is on the scale alleged, it will probably be one of the biggest property frauds in the country."

Those arrested included Mr Purdie's stepmother and father, Grace and David Purdie, of Darras Hall, Northumberland, each a director of one of the Gateshead companies.

Craig David Purdie is a former appointed representative of Newcastle Home Loans.

Mr Bellwood was arrested on suspicion of money laundering, last March, when [pounds]34,000 was found in his home in Newton Aycliffe.

Two solicitors have been arrested as part of the wider investigation.

Det Sgt McCabe said last night: "Officers are keen to speak to anyone who has concerns about their dealings with these companies. They should get in touch with the Durham Police economic crime unit."

Many householders learned of the problem when eviction notices were served on them by lenders trying to sell their homes to recoup their money.

Last August, a judge at Newcastle County Court agreed all proceedings connected to North-East Property Buyers would be withdrawn.

Instead, about five test cases have been chosen to go to trial and will determine the outcome for all other tenants.

The economic crime unit can be contacted on 0345-6060365 or

At around 10am replica hublot watches on Monday, the men called at a home in Blaby and offered to weatherproof the victim's roof.

One of the men took the woman to a cash machine to withdraw Pounds 1,000 to pay for the work, while the other two men started the alleged weatherproofing.

The woman's daughter called the police and three men were later arrested.

All three men , aged 16, 19 and 27, have been arrested on suspicion of Trading Standards offences and were released on bail pending further inquiries.

This initiative is expected to strengthen Shenzhen's fast-growing event industry as the resulting certified data about attendee quality and quantity will provide event organizers and exhibitors with more accurate evaluation between events. Of the approximately 80 events held annually in Shenzhen, as many as 30-40 are expected to be audited by BPA during 2010, the program's first year of operation.

"We are pleased to collaborate with the Shenzhen Science & Technology, Industry, Trade and Information Committee to conduct event audits in Shenzhen," said Glenn Hansen, President and CEO of BPA Worldwide. "Our cooperation is a landmark for Shenzhen and China for the development of professionalism in event organization. It marks a new beginning in event measurement in which BPA can provide event organizers and exhibitors verifiable information on an objective basis to help potential exhibitors make better participation and resource allocation decisions."

"This collaboration with BPA will enhance the competitive position of Shenzhen's events sector," said Lin Gao, Deputy Director General of SZSITIC. "BPA's Clip on charms world-leading experience in accurately measuring event attendance will add credibility to information provided by Shenzhen event organizers and inspire confidence in the value of Shenzhen events among potential exhibitors."

With an average annual growth rate exceeding 20%, the Shenzhen convention and exhibition sector has benefitted from the rapid expansion of industry within Shenzhen, as well as the city's favorable location at replica tag heruer watches the entrance of the booming Pearl River Delta. As a result, nearly 80 large-scale exhibitions are annually organized in Shenzhen.

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WE all remember the moment the links of london charms Deputy Prime Minister John Prescott lost it during an election campaign and punched an egg- throwing protestor in the face.

Elections are like that - they inflame passions even in the meekest of men.

Take the Reverend Thomas Le Mesurier as an example. He was a Darlington clergyman who, nearly 200 years ago, amid the fury of the campaign, smacked a 14-year-old boy in the mouth so hard that he lost a tooth, and the reverend gentlemen ended up in the dock charged with assault.

Mr Le Mesurier was rector at Haughton-le-Skerne, a village renowned for its colourful clergymen. In recent weeks, Echo Memories has told of the Reverend Bulkeley Bandinel, who created the Bodleian Library at Oxford University, and we've told of the Cheese Affair that created an almighty whiff in 1861. The Reverend Edward Cheese was an inexperienced 28 year-old priest when his new father-in-law (who just happened to be the Bishop of Durham) appointed him to the lucrative living in Haughton. Bishops were viewed with the sort of contempt we reserve for MPs and their expenses today and so this outrageous example of nepotism drew national criticism and drove the Bishop to an early grave.

The Le Mesurier Incident is even more hard-hitting than that.

Mr Le Mesurier was born onthe Channel Island of Alderney, where his father was the hereditary governor. He became a barrister, but then went into the church. He moved in high circles - shortly after Lord Sidmouth stepped down as Tory Prime Minister in 1804, Le Mesurier became his private chaplain and advisor.

Through strident lectures and publications, Le Mesurier gained a right-wing reputation, particularly when it came to Catholics, whom he did not want granted any freedoms.

In 1812, Mr Le Mesurier was appointed to Haughton where, by an accident of history, the salary was one of the highest in the county. He was well regarded in his parish, and was particularly supportive of the small school, which living memory can recall in front of St Andrew's Church.

The 1820 election was held shortly after the Peterloo Massacre, where an 80,000strong crowd, including many textile workers, had gathered in a field in Manchester demanding Parliamentary reform. The cavalry had charged, killing 15 and injuring up to 700.

It was a scandal, and the Home Secretary took some of the blame - he was Lord Sidmouth. In Durham, the MP standing for re-election was John "Radical Jack" Lambton, a Whig who was the country's leading advocate for Parliamentary reform and all sorts of other progressive causes that a conservative like the vicar would not have been keen on.

One Wednesday in Lent, a pro-Lambton parade, made up mainly of textile workers, was marching from Darlington to Yarm accompanied by Major Mennel's band, dressed in blue jackets and white trousers. "The music consisted of French horns, clarionets and trumpets, " a witness told the subsequent court case. "The music was very sweet."

And the chant "Lambton forever!" was so loud that the vicar heard it in his church. In full flowing black robes, he swept out of the vestry and on to Haughton Green.

"Forgetting his own character, and the temper of his profes
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- Rudyard Griffith, executive director of the Historica-Dominion Institute, dedicated to promoting Canadian history

Canada's last living link to the brave uniformed men and women who fought the First World War died last week.John Babcock, who passed on at his home in Spokane, Wash., was 109.

The Canadian Press called him an "unlikely and reluctant figurehead for a generation of heroes," and Babcock would have been the first one to agree.

Enlisting at the tender age of 16 in his hometown of Kingston, Ont., Babcock never made it to the battlefields in France because of his age, and was instead continuously pulled away from the front lines.

"I wanted to go to France because I was just a tin soldier," Babcock said in an interview with The Canadian Press in July 2007. "I volunteered (for the front lines), but they found out I was underage. If the war had lasted another year, I would have fought."

While training with 1,300 other underaged soldiers with an eye on the front, a skirmish with a few British Army veterans earned Babcock 14 days house arrest.

Before those two weeks were done, Armistice had been signed and he found himself on his way home, never having seen a day of battle.

For this reason, the old soldier felt uncomfortable with the title Canada had bestowed upon him - the last surviving First World War veteran.

Though hundreds of thousands of Canadians had signed a petition asking Parliament to honour Babcock with a state funeral, he modestly turned down any overtures from the federal government for such an honour.

Babcock never thought of himself as a hero, and he never desired any pomp and ceremony. His younger self attempted to join the war all to early because he thought defending his nation was the right thing to do.

Yesterday, the Globe and Mail reported that his family had honoured his wishes, and had refused a second state funeral offer from Ottawa.

In its place, however, members of the Historica-Dominion Institute have called for a National replica hublot watches Day of Commemoration in honour of veterans of the First World War, including the more than 68,000 who died.

It's apparent in the quote at the top of this editorial, that the institute's executive director, Rudyard Griffith, believes such a commemoration is necessary, so that new generations do not forget the lessons of history.

We would tend to agree with Griffith in that young Canadians need to understand the cost of our country's freedom and prosperity.

But there are present-day reminders of human courage - those soldiers who continue to show incredible bravery as they carry out operations in Afghanistan. Their experiences stand in front of us as a living legacy to the same principles Babcock's peers fought and died for.

To be honest, though Griffith's heart is certainly in the right place, we do not need another day of commemoration.

We already have a day that honours the fallen from "the war to end all wars."

We call it Remembrance Day, and it is on that day we
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With a flick of the wrist from The Next One, Sidney Crosby, Canadians found Olympic redemption Sunday.

The pall of a luger's death, a series of embarrassing glitches, a first half so dismal the hosts conceded the medals race, a loss to the upstart Americans in a preliminary game.

All but forgotten.

Canada is the Olympic champion in men's hockey, and the whole country can finally celebrate its Winter Games.

Canada survived one of the greatest games in Olympic history to beat the Americans, 3-2 in overtime, and cap the host country's record gold rush in Vancouver.

Crosby - hockey heir to Canada's own Great One, Wayne Gretzky - won it when he whipped a shot past U.S. goalie Ryan Miller 7:40 into overtime after the U.S. had tied it with 24.4 seconds left in regulation.

"It's a pretty unbelievable thing," Crosby said. "You know what? Every kid dreams of that opportunity. Being in Canada, that's the opportunity of a lifetime. You dream of that a thousand times growing up. For it to come true is amazing."

Not to his countrymen, who have come to expect the impossible from Sid the Kid.

"He's unbelievable. There's nothing that kid can't do or hasn't done already," said Canada forward Jonathan Toews, who scored Sunday's first goal. "We were saying after the third period that someone was going to be the hero, someone was going to find replica hublot watches a way to do it for us, and it's no coincidence he was the guy.

"He's a tremendous leader. He's accomplished so much in his young career."

Canada's collection of all-stars held off a young, desperate U.S. team that had beaten it a week ago and, after staging a furious comeback from down 2-0 on goals by Toews and Corey Perry, almost beat the Canadians again.

With Canada less than a minute away from celebrating the gold medal, Zach Parise - the son of a player who figured in Canada's finest hockey moment - tied it with Miller off the ice for an extra attacker.

The moment he scored, the groans of disappointed fans likely were heard from Vancouver to the Maritimes. But Crosby, scoreless the previous two games, brought back the cheers with his second post- regulation game-winner of the tournament, a shot from the left circle that Miller was helpless to stop. He also beat Switzerland in a shootout during the round robin.

It was close. It was Thomas sabo charms nerve-racking. It was a game worthy of an Olympic hockey final.

Before the game, Crosby received a brief text message from Penguins owner Mario Lemieux that said: "Good luck."

Now, Crosby joins Lemieux - whose goal beat the Soviet Union in the 1987 World Cup - and Paul Henderson, who beat the Soviets with a goal in the 1972 Summit Series, among the instant national heroes of Canadian hockey. At age 22, Crosby has won the Stanley Cup and the Olympics in less than a year's time.

Minutes after the game ended, delirious fans chanted, "Crosby! Crosby! Crosby!" International Olympic Committee president Jacques Rogge paused before giving the final medal to Crosby as the crowd got even louder. Then he gestured with his right hand, calling for more cheers for Crosby.

As "O Canada" played, the Canadian team stood shoulder to shoulder, arms over
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Somerset star Kieswetter made his international debut in Sunday's first one-day international after making a big impression in recent weeks with his ability to hit over the top at the start of the innings. He is used to doing that against seam bowlers in the early overs replica hublot watches but Tigers skipper Shakib Al Hasan caught him unawares by sending on the slow men from the off.

Shakib himself could have had the 22-year-old twice in the first over he faced but he eventually made a subdued 19 before his patience broke and he was stumped on the charge.

Two games are left in the ODI series, starting today in Mirpur, and Siddons confirmed the hosts would persevere with the tactic.

"If he wants to keep running down the wicket to replica breitling watches our spinners, we'll keep bowling spinners at him," said the Australian.

"That Clip on charms will suit us perfectly.

He was obviously uncomfortable against them early, so we'll see how he goes.

"On this sort of wicket you can't blaze all the time.

"This wicket is a bit flat so that's our strategy, get the spinners on early because some openers are not used to playing the new ball with the spinners. Let's see what happens."

On the other hand, the majority of men cringe at the sight and also brand them SNAGS (Sportspeople Needing A Glass.... of Concrete).

When Shane Watson turned on the waterworks after winning the Allan Border Medal on Monday night, he joined a long list of sportspeople who have let the tears flow on a very public stage.

Big, brawny Aussie blokes aren't supposed to cry. It's been ingrained into our psyche since childhood. In the all-rounder's case, however, it's reasonably understandable considering the trials and tribulations he's been through to fulfil his dream of playing for Australia.

On face value, Watto doesn't seem to have too much to cry about. Playing cricket for Australia and dating Lee Furlong isn't a bad gig. But when you consider the fact he's spent more time in a hospital than the casts of Grey's Anatomy, Scrubs and ER combined in past seasons, I'm prepared to cut him a little slack.

It did, though, cast my mind back to times in the past when other sportspeople have looked like Tarzan but cried like Jane.

John Anthony: John (or Jack, or Jeremiah, or Jesus, or whatever he goes by these days) was a blubbering mess when interviewed by a Channel 10 boundary rider after kicking the winning goal for Collingwood against Adelaide in last year's AFL finals series. He's got a name that wouldn't look out of place in a spaghetti western, but replica breitling watches his tears certainly would.

Mick Malthouse and Paul Licuria: The irony of this is Malthouse has sent many a journalist dashing for a tissue with his cutting remarks in press conferences. But the Collingwood coach and midfielder Licuria were the ones with the red eyes when the Magpies lost narrowly to Brisbane in the 2002 grand final. Don't worry guys - as a Pies man, I probably broke down after that one too.

Nick Riewoldt: Still on AFL, and the Saints skipper is probably the game's sobbing poster boy right now. The MCG was a little damp underfoot for last year's St Kilda-Geelong grand final and it was even more so when "Roo" was done with it after the Saints' loss.

Roger Federer: This man probably cries in his sleep. Whether he wins or loses a Grand Slam final, it's generally a lock for the Swiss ace to turn into a Swiss miss by letting his emotions run wild.

Andy Murray: Some thought he was a robot. Others simply accepted that he had about as much personality as a bag of chaff. But when the Scotsman lost last month's Australian Open final to Federer, it was he, not the world No.1, who struggled to talk at the presentation ceremony. "I can't play like Federer, but at least I can cry like him," Murray joked. That line showed he at least has a sense of humour.

Kim Hughes: Back in the '80s Australian cricket was a basket case. An Aussie batsman averaging in the 20s probably would have walked away with the Allan Border Medal if it was around then. Later, Hughes would reveal that he "simply could not get on with Dennis Lillee and Rod Marsh". Little wonder - both were as hard as nails.

Whether you're for or against sportsmen weeping, either due to the pain of defeat or exhilaration of victory, it's here to stay. For mine, it's okay in certain circumstances, like when Tiger Woods won his third British Open in 2006 not long after his dad passed away.

s
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Armed with a fourinch blade the 23-yearold thug kept lunging at Alan Redhead, who was shopping in Stanley with his wife Christine and their four-year-old grandaughter. In a victim statement, read out at Consett Magistrates' Court, Mr Redhead said: "I was extremely concerned about my wife and grandaughter."

John Garside, prosecuting, told the court Calvert had been one of a gang of men swearing and replica tag heruer watches shouting outside the council offices in Front Street in Stanley, County Durham, at 2pm on Tuesday, February 16.

The couple were heading through the busy town centre when Mr Redhead spotted Calvert walking towards him shouting with his arms in the air. Calvert, of South View in Tantobie, pleaded guilty to possessing a knife and affray. He was remanded in custody to appear at Durham Crown Court on March 17.

Naked models included a TV weatherman whose viewers got to see considerably more of his cold front than usual. One thing's for sure, tourists certainly got an eyeful of some rather unexpected sights Down Under.